The good news is that 2011 is finally over. The bad news is that 2012 is upon us.
The coming year will not give us a break from the steady stream of political knavery, green graft and governmental stupidity that 2011 delivered, though it will surely provide a flood of politically-induced comedy.
JANUARY: An enterprising BBC reporter — seeking to prove the practicality of electric cars — drove from London to Edinburgh. The journey took four days — longer than a horse-drawn stage would have taken for the trip 150 years ago — including nine stops of up to ten hours.
(In its first crisis summit of the year, EU leaders declared they would impose Germanic controls on its members’ sovereign debts and toasted each other with large portions of Rémy Martin Louis XIII cognac. Meanwhile, in the first Republican presidential debate, both television viewers cheered when twelve contenders, apparently chosen at random, actually showed up.)
FEBRUARY: Chicago chose as its new mayor former White House chief of staff Rahm Effing Emanuel, who immediately ordered a voter registration drive in the city’s cemeteries. Shortly after that, the “Arab spring training season” began in Egypt. After Secretary of State Hillary said that the Mubarak regime was stable, the Cairo Clubbers traded their top grenade thrower to the Port Said Molotovs for two machine-gunners and a future draft pick.
(In an urgent crisis summit, Eurozone leaders sought to solve Greece’s insolvency by imposing budget rationalization written by Italian PM Silvio Burlesqueoni. Eurozone leaders toasted each other’s wisdom with a tiny sip of Dom Perignon 1975 champagne. Burlesqueoni requisitioned the rest of the bottle for what he called a “bunga-bunga” party, which term had to be translated for the media by Bill Clinton.)
MARCH: In January, Obama had proclaimed France our best and strongest ally. Because the French never forgive a favor, Sarkozy dragged Obama into his war for glory in Libya. Barry called it a “kinetic military action” and cute little Sarah called it a “squirmish.” My blazingly brilliant pal, Andy McCarthy, said that henceforth we should call acts of terrorism “kinetic Islam.” Barry told Congress to stuff its War Powers Resolution because bombing Libya wasn’t a hostile act. Meanwhile, Hillary called Syria’s Bashar Assad a “reformer.”
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