2017 New Year’s Resolutions for Liberals

We all have our liberal pals, so here is a list of resolutions to help them get started with. It is very tongue-in-cheek as it points out the liberal progressive agenda in the worst possible light. What should they resolve about important things like Israel or political correctness issues? How can Hollywood help us meet or resolutions? Read all of this in a great article.

As Written By Kurt Schlichter for Townhall:

The year 2016 was a great one for our progressive friends – except for that whole utter repudiation unpleasantness of last November. Now, as a concerned conservative friend eager to help, let me offer you some New Year’s resolutions that will keep you on the path to success. The bottom line: stay the course!

Keep Reaffirming the Racism/Sexism/Homophobia and Other Moral Failings of Everyone Who Doesn’t Obey the Rigid Yet Constantly Mutating Laws of Political Correctness: It’s vital that you continue, at every turn, to label normal Americans “racists,” “sexists” and all the other “-ists” and “-phobes” in your Big Book O’ Liberal Slurs. Remember, concerns about crime are secret dog whistles to the tens of millions of wannabe KKK members lurking out there. Americans actually love being robbed! You know why we pretend we don’t like dismembering babies and selling their parts? Because we hate strong women. You caught us! And having people smash airplanes into buildings and open fire at random citizens are just a few of our favorite things. We only blame these acts on the radical Muslims who are actually doing them because of our unreasoning hatred of Muslims. There’s no fooling you! If we weren’t such Islamophobes, we’d focus on the bloody death toll from those radical Baptists. So keep it up, and never, ever, pass up an opportunity to tell normal Americans how they fail to meet your exacting standards. With enough abuse, those Trump voters you lost last time will definitely come around and start supporting Democrats again!

Slam Israel: Who needs Jewish voters in your coalition anymore? You’ve got urban hipsters and illegal aliens, frigid divorcees and welfare cheats, plus a declining number of blacks and more urban hipsters, so those embarrassing friends of the Zionist Entity are totally expendable. Let them go join the GOP, with its unflinching support for evil Israel against the uncorrupt democracies surrounding it. When your delegates booed Israel (and God) at your convention, it was a great way to start this super-helpful conversation. Keep it up. Remember, every time you stab Israel in the back, several CAIR members will escort their wives out to go vote for Democrats.

Leverage Hollywood Star Power: As you know, all normal Americans believe Hollywood stars are powerful role models who we should emulate in our personal and political lives. Want to energize new voters? Well, those tatt-ridden, gangsta rap stars supporting Hillary sure made me want to bust a move – right into the voting booth to elect some Dems! And don’t forget to have Lena Dunham go out there to lecture us about her personal insights on politics and childcare. She’s America’s preeminent feminist icon – I know that pic of her lolling on a beach dressed as a manatee made me reconsider my standards of female beauty. After that, I’ll never again deploy ….


Some New Year’s Resolutions for Our Progressive Pals – Kurt Schlichter


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